Seven minute workout

To keep workout boredom at bay, I have a collection of exercise routines cut out of old magazines. Okay, remember how I am highly disorganized? It's more like a binder full of ripped up and wrinkled pages all stuffed into the front pocket, but someday I hope to have it neatly categorized and arranged in sheet protectors. Anyhow, when I can find anything, it's a great tool for adding variety to my workout without using any creativity! A recent choice was the "7-Minute Workout: Booty Boot Camp" from the October 2005 Fitness Magazine that promised to tone my tush quick. It was supposed to go something like this:

Minute 0:00-1:00
Two-Part Squat

Minute 1:00-2:30
Arabesque

Minute 2:30-3:30
Side-Extension Squat

Minute 3:30-4:30
Butt Kicker

Minute 4:30-6:00
Butt Lift

Minute 6:00-7:00
Leg Lift


Pretty straight forward right? And the perfect workout for a busy mom trying to find time for everything. Well, that's what I thought anyway. Here's how it actually went:

Minute 0:00-0:30

Two-Part Squat

Minute 0:30-4:30

Calm screaming baby who is supposed to be napping

Minute 4:30-5:30

Double check with potty training toddler that he doesn’t need to use the bathroom

Minute 5:30-6:30

Attempt Two-Part Squat again

Minute 6:30-11:30

Calm screaming baby who still hasn’t fallen asleep

Minute 11:30-12:00

Pause Sesame Street to take toddler to the bathroom

Minute 12:00-13:00

Undress toddler and place him on the toilet.

Minute 13:00-17:00

Keep toddler seated on the potty by telling a “Once Upon a Time” story. This morning’s selection was “The Gunny Wolf.”

Minute 17:00-19:00

Sit through a nude tap dance recital.

Minute 19:00-22:00

Participate in a co-ed nude drum concert.

Minute 22:00-23:00

Try not to scream through a light show.

Minute 23:00-25:00

Get toddler’s pants back on and wash hands.

Minute 25:00-26:00

Find Sesame Street episode all over again, because we have been in the bathroom so long our “On Demand” program has turned off.

Minute 26:00-28:00

Decide to give up on the Two-Part Squat and move on to the Arabesque

Minute 28:00-31:00

Perform exactly one-third of the recommended Side-Extension Squat reps

Minute 31:00-33:00

Get side tracked watching Sesame Street

Minute 33:00-36:00

Butt Kicker

Minute 36:00-38:00

Pause Sesame Street and convince potty training toddler that it is again time for a “Potty Party!” (You’re supposed to make ‘em try and go every 30 minutes, right?)

Minute 38:00-39:00

Show toddler a “cool trick” (ie your pants and Pull-up don’t have to come all the way off, you can leave them around your ankles!)

Minute 39:00-41:00

Begin telling “Jack and the Beanstalk” but only get as far as Jack taking the cow to sell.

Minute 41:00-43:00

Redress and wash hands.

Minute 43:00-43:30

Resume Sesame Street which has thankfully not turned off yet.

Minute 43:30-48:30

Butt Lift

Minute 48:30-49:30

Watch Sesame Street while recovering from extreme pain in the gluteus medius.

Minute 49:30-53:00

Leg Lift

Minute 53:00-54:00

Workout complete! Recover while counting to 10 with Elmo.

Minute 54:00-56:00

Collect screaming baby who has awoken from her all too short nap.

Whew! Seven minutes never lasted so long! And although this workout certainly kicked my butt, it wasn’t exactly in the way Fitness Magazine intended.