We can't be friends anymore. I am tired of being embarrassed and uncomfortable in social situations. Go find someone else to bother okay? I would appreciate it tremendously. Thanks!
Amanda
A little background on the above letter. In September I got pregnant. Over Thanksgiving we announced the news to family and a few friends and ward members. Three days later I hit the twelve week mark, went to the doctor for a routine check-up and found out that the baby no longer had a heart beat. A couple of days after that, I had a D&C.The awkwardness comes from the fact that I was far enough along to be showing, that horrible stage where people aren't sure if you're just gaining weight or are actually pregnant. I was squeezing into a few of my normal pairs of pants and beginning the transition to maternity clothes. Only now it feels like that stage is going on and on and on forever. I'm not getting any bigger because I'm no longer pregnant, yet I still have this kind of post pregnancy pooch without a baby to show for it.
So when all of the "Oh, are you expecting?" and the "Are you having another baby?" and the "When are you due?" questions come my way I'm not sure what to say. If I reply with an explanation along the lines of, "Well, I was, but then I had a miscarriage," people feel terrible and trip all over themselves to apologize for my loss. But then if I just answer, "No," they are so mortified they trip all over themselves trying to cover up or excuse their blunder. It's embarrassing for everyone no matter what my response. Maybe if I could come up with something witty like, "Just a few too many treats over the holidays," it wouldn't be so bad. I dunno. What would you say?
PS- I am not looking for pity in this post. I've had plenty of that. I'm just venting about a discomfiting situation and perhaps looking for some helpful suggestions. Thank you for your consideration.
That is awkward! I've had my share of miscarriages, and it's never easy to trace back the steps. I think you should say something witty because it will ease the situation. I love the treats over the holidays. Glad you are doing alright and handling things ok. =)
ReplyDeleteI appreciated your fabulous use of the word "discomfiting" in this post. I have no advice for you. I am also socially awkward. I would probably just say "no" and let them trip all over themselves. Spread the awkwardness around, you know?
ReplyDeletei like when people are blunt it makes them think twice about whether they should ask people in the future. i know you said no pitty but i am so sorry, that must have been awful.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think anyone who asks a woman if she is pregnant is asking for trouble. I think people should wait to be told instead of making assumptions based on a woman's physically appearance. So, I like Bridget's suggestion to just say "No" and let them feel awkward. It will hopefully teach them some social etiquette about not doing it in the future to anyone else (like what Brittany said).
ReplyDeleteYou make me laugh. Only because I see me. How did we ever get married, get jobs, etc? It's a mystery. I personally would rather accept the pity than be thought fat. But that's just me. And yes, it does teach them to be a little more thoughtful of the next person. Remember that "We don't like sex" story you told me? We need to think up something clever like that.
ReplyDeleteI think even if I had a witty line to give, I would forget it in the moment and honesty would come out. I swear, I'm the worst liar. At least you're good about making people feel comfortable around you. I guess honesty with a smooth ending isn't so bad.
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